Raising Kids? There is a Secret!

Raising kids is anything but a piece of cake.  It's hard work and even more so if you know the secret.  In my last post I said I would share the secret to raising children.  As promised the secret is "consistency."  The Random House Dictionary of the English Language defines consistent as "constantly adhering to the same principles, course, form, etc.; holding firmly together."   Even the name itself implies that it takes longer than sixty seconds or even sixty months!   

We all want our children to consistently behave but in order for that to happen it means that we as parents and adults must be consistent in our own lives and that is more times then not where the real problem lies. Too many blame the the child when in reality the problem is found in the inconsistent lives of one or both parents.  If you're reading this you may be ready to go somewhere else but before you do indulge me a little a little longer.

At this point I need to issue a disclaimer.  I did not grow up with consistency in my home.  As a matter of fact I grew up with an opposing view.  The idea of being consistent as an adult never meant much until I was married and the first of 8 kids arrived.  As we raised our children my wife daily demonstrated consistency in her words and actions.  She also did the same for me which actually meant that at times she was raising 9 children.  It was hard for me to be consistent and be what I thought for a while was a "mean parent."  Ahhh, but as the years passed I began to see the importance of "constantly adhering to the same principles" as we worked hard at "holding" our family "firmly together."  So anything that I have learned about being consistent has come from the love of my life as I have watched her year after year.

There are many philosophies about rasing childred and the idea of changing a child's attitude, behavior and character in 60 seconds or less is one of those philosophies.  There is another philosophy that is found in the Bible.  Proverbs 22:6 tells us "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  You may have even heard this verse before or memorized it in Sunday School.  There is great confusion today about the way a child should go.  As one parent said who I talked to about this subject several years ago, "how can we know that one way is better than another?"  There are so many ideas out there that are grounded in a contemporary culture that has lost it's spiritual and moral compass.  If these new philosophies worked then we would see test scores going up, decreased violence in school, a return to respect and civility in children and teenagers.  What we find is a continued collapse of the family unit, family values and fewer parents who know "the way" that their children should go than any other time in the history of our nation.

 

There is nothing more exciting than the birth of a baby.  I have had the privilege of being present for  the birth of all 8,  and had the heartbreak of holding one we lost.   Each one of them is a unique miracle and all of the dirty diapers, late night feedings and training was worth it all. Please understand that nothing can be a greater blessing than a new son or daughter. Remember though,  that that same little blessing can grow up to break your heart as a 15 year old.  As a parent you cannot fail; you must not fail.  No possession you have has more value than your child or your children.  They are the only eternal things you leave behind when you depart this world.   

What I have shared in this entry and the one before it is only a brief introduction to the hardest and most rewarding job in the world; being a parent .  Don't give up, there is hope!  You can do it! But you must be consistent and "know the way!" 

Change Your Child's Behavior in Less Than 60 Seconds?

Perhaps like me you have seen the commercial on TV that frequently advertises a CD that will help you get control of your child in 60 seconds or less.  The only way to do that so that the change is permanent is to have leverage, like a full grown T-rex in the backyard that you will feed your child to if they don't shape up!  You could also invest in a case of duct tape or even take roping lessons.  Whatever it is, it had better be good to stop bad behavior in less than a minute that a kid has been perfecting into an art form for years!

I will never forget going to the grocery store with my oldest son (now 33 with 5 of his own) who at that time was 3.  We were having a great time picking up a few things for Mom as we pretended we were driving in the Daytona 500.  We had just turned the corner into the cereal aisle when we saw "him"; although he was only 3 or 4 Chad and I knew that he was definitely related to Mr. Hyde's side of the family (Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde).  We stopped in the middle of the aisle as the following drama played out before our eyes.  The young terrorist said "I want Captain Crunch" and his mother said "no honey we're going to get something else today."  Raising his voice several decibels he again said, "I want Captain Crunch" and again his mother said "no".  By this time my little guy had the look on his face that kids get just before they know something big is about to happen.  The third time he spoke he yelled, "I said I want Captain Crunch" and then he proceeded to slap his mother in the face!  Chad's mouth dropped open and finally he found his voice as he looked at me and said, "whoa he's gonna get a spankin'!"  We were both surprised when his mother, holding her cheek said, "well all right, if that's what you want. Mommy's sorry."  She then picked up a box of the Captain's finest and put it in the cart.  As they passed us my little guy said "Dad are you gonna spank him?  Dad, he needs to be spanked!  Dad, please spank him!"  I explained that he wasn't my little boy and that maybe his Mom (I hoped) would take care of him in the car.  We were backing out of the parking lot when we again saw the pair getting into their car and Chad made one more comment, "somebody needs to spank him!"  

My wife and I have observed over the last 37 years that more children than ever behave badly in public and what's worse more parents than we ever remember allow it to happen.  I have wondered often if this is caused by parents who don't know how to discipline, or don't want to, afraid to discipline in public or have just fallen into the goofy idea that we must keep our children happy-- as we make them the center of our homes!?  Whatever it is, bad behaving children, disrespectful teenagers and embarassed parents are definitely on the increase.  It didn't used to be this way.  There was a day when a parent, teacher or principal could strike fear into the heart of a child with a simple verbal warning and the child would obey and behave!  I'm not making this up it really used to be that way.  

When I was about 6 I backed the tractor out of the garage and almost went down the hill into the corn field.  My Dad had repeatedly told me not to touch that old John Deere but I just couldn't help myself.  The worst part was two of my friends were standing behind me holding onto the seat.  When my mother said "you just wait until your father gets home," I immediately went to my little clubhouse and wrote out my last will and testament, lined up the toys I would give to my brother and waited under the tree.  

Finally, I heard the car in the drive way.  It didn't take long for my Dad to talk to my Mom, look at the tractor and call my name.  As my life passed before my eyes I walked up to him and he handed me his Old Timer pocket knife that I still have and said, "go down in the woods and cut a willow switch!"  In those days it was tough enough to get a whippin' but to have to cut your own switch was torture.  Ten minutes later I returned and he looked at what I had cut down and said "it's not big enough, go back and get another!"  I never forgot that or what happened when I brought the "log" back up the hill.  It was a long time before I disobeyed either one of my parents again.  Painful as it was it was a necessary lesson that has stuck with me through the years.

Rasing kids is hard work, but in this day and time with the prevailing culture, is it possible to raise well behaved, good kids who do right and turn into productive adults who live right?  I believe that it is and in my next entry I'll share the secret.  I will tell you that you can't do it in sixty seconds, it takes a life time but the rewards are richer than you can ever imagine!

Please, no more Sponge Bob!

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid cartoons looked like they were drawn by artists. There was depth and detail and they were anatomically correct.  I feel sorry for kids today who have to watch cartoons whose characters look like the lead artist was in K-5!  

Not long ago I stopped by the bank located at the end of aisle 6 in the grocery store.  To keep those standing in line awake they had a televison mounted on the wall, which on this particular day was playing a quality cartoon that I had not seen since I was a child.  The people looked like people and the animals looked like animals and the color of everything was normal.  

When I finally arrived at the counter and the teller greeted me I commented on the fact that it was nice to see a real cartoon for once.  She was in her early 20's and probably a college student so I wasn't sure what to expect for a response.  What a surprise when she agreed with me and said she liked the old cartoons better!  Spurred on with a new sense of confidence and noticing that no one else was waiting in line I shared with her how different television was today compared to the late 50's and early 60's.  I waxed eloquently about Hoppy, Roy, Gene and the Duke as I explained how they all stood for what was right and took action to correct what was bad.  "Those guys," I said "made a big impression on my generation as they defined what was right and wrong.     She readily agreed with me and said that she had watched some of those same shows with her dad.  

Finding myself still the only one at the counter I related to her an article that I read several months ago by Cal Thomas where he commented that his generation grew up with John Wayne who stood for what was right compared to this current generation whose role model is a 'mascara wearing pirate' who doesn't seem to know right from wrong.  At that point in the conversation she looked at me and said, "You know, who's to say anymore what's right and what's wrong?  I mean how can we really know?"  Quietly I stood there and realized that this intellengent, friendly young woman was a victim of post-modernism.  There is no right or wrong because everything is relative to the situation.  

Her questions were sincere and without sarcasm but they were very telling because they represent a prevailing view by many in this country.  I asked her "if there is no right or wrong does that mean you don't obey the speed limit or acknowledge stop signs?"  "If we can't know what 's right or wrong then would it be okay for me to rob the bank instead of make a deposit?" Immediately she responded "no those things are all against the law!"  Sensing there might be hope I asked what happens when we break the law?   With a look that would have dropped a bull moose she said, "well that's dumb, you get in trouble!" 

Thankful for a slow day at the bank I then asked her the big question.  "Where do we get our laws from?"  She thought for a minute and guessed Europe and then finally she thought maybe Rome.  Pursuing the point I asked what about before the laws before Europe and Rome?  Puzzled she said "Egypt?"  

For several minutes we continued talking until I asked her what were the ten laws that changed everything and provided the foundation for our constitution and judicial system?  She had no idea so I shared with her that they are found in the Bible in Exodus chapter 20, verses 1-17.  At that point her curoisity ended as she said the Bible had nothing for her.  

Walking out of the grocery store I was again reminded that there are so many people who view life just like Cara.  On one hand they believe that no one can really know what's good or evil and on the other they strongly object when anyone does something  wrong toward them.  You can't have it both ways.  If we have finally arrived at the point in our society when it is impossible to recognize right or wrong and good evil then we are close to the point of anarchy.  Like Israel in Judges 21:25 "everyone did what was right in his eyes."  From the nation's capital to the back pew in America's heartland we have bought into the idea that wheather something is right or wrong is all in the eyes of the individual.  I have heard it said on more than one occassion "what may be wrong to you maybe right to someone else, so don't be judgmental."  

The Bible was the basis of the core beliefs of our founding fathers.  At the constitutional convention of 1787 they recognized how important it was to both the founding and future of America.  They knew that it was impossible to have civility, justice and national longevity without the very thing so many in our country are trying to get rid of, the Bible.  Galatians 6:7 reminds us that what we sow we will reap.  If we are not reaping now what we have been sowing for almost five decades then maybe Sponge Bob is the new reality and Hoppy and Roy were confused about the good guys and the bad guys and standing f9r what's right against what's wrong isn't neccessary anymore.  While I know that there are many who believe that to be true I believe this philosophy has led America to the brink of disaster.  

We are running out of time but it is never too late to choose to stand against evil and do what is right.   Remember though,  it is impossible to define right and wrong apart from God's Word.